I want to tell you all a somewhat vague story about someone who has hurt my family and a lot of people I love. There is a person whom I will name Z for the sake of this story. Z has done awful things, all while claiming the name of Christ. Z has accused people I love of doing terrible things that I couldn't even say to you without crying. My mother was very close to Z, and loved this person as a sibling. When our family started learning about the awful things that Z was doing, we were all heartbroken, but my mother took it the hardest.
My mother is the most godly woman I have ever met. She is always the first to pick someone up if she sees them fall, she would offer up everything she had to help someone in need, and she is always the first to hand out godly advice like candy. She is not only one of only two people in our entire church who runs the soundboard on Sunday mornings, but she is also a dedicated Sunday School teacher and a member of the music committee and church choir, so she spends every Saturday morning at the church in meetings and choir practice after spending a very full work week running around and being a full-time mother. Everyone gets discouraged at some point, but my mother is like the energizer bunny. The list of my favorite things about my mom definitely includes the fact that she always wants to stay late after church and talk to everyone. My dad and my brother get annoyed at it sometimes, but I know that she puts a smile in the heart of everyone she talks to, and it's absolutely beautiful.
Now that you have just an inkling of an idea of what a wonderful person my mother is, I hope it breaks your heart a little more knowing that Z completely walked out on their friendship, refused to answer her calls, and called her a liar and a traitor. I could deal with the things Z accused my family members and friends of doing, but seeing my mother cry with such hopelessness is what began a rage in me that I have never experienced before. This all happened before I gave my life to Christ, so I had no idea what to do with my anger. I took it out on myself. I felt like a failure for not being able to protect the woman who had protected me since I was conceived.
Once I gave my life to Christ, I had to look at this situation in a different light. I thought I had forgiven Z by refusing to think about them, but last night I saw Z again for the first time in a long time. Instantly, I had thought after thought firing through my head, and they were mean, vengeful thoughts. I knew I had to forgive Z in a way that actually meant letting go of these thoughts, but I just didn't want to. Writing always helps clear my head, so I dug into the Word to try to find the perfect verse to support the argument for forgiveness.
Colossians 3:13 reads, "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." For me, this really put things into perspective. The whole chapter is talking about living in a way that is pleasing to God, and how we can strive to be more like God, and that last sentence hits it home: Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Each of us needs to realize that at one point in our lives, we were as vile a creature as our worst enemy. We hated God, we did things that directly defied Him, we accused Him of being the source of all of our problems. None of us deserves forgiveness: We've all fallen short.
So as Christians, we walk around claiming the name of Christ, boasting in His mercy and grace, claiming to be striving toward Christ-likeness, then we turn around and harbor all of this anger and resentment toward those who've done no worse than we've done to God! Forgiveness means letting go of pain, and pain can become a place to hide. You can stand in all of your pain and say, "I don't have to acknowledge my faults! Look what he's done to me! Look what she did to them! Pay attention to their shortcomings; don't look at mine! I'm the victim!"
Where would you be today if God had hidden in His pain instead of forgiving you?
Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. - Psalm 139:23-24
God, I just need to thank you for the forgiveness I've been given. I would be dead right now if you didn't love me. I pray for strength to love Z in the way that you love me, and to be emptied of my pride and my pain. For everyone who's struggling with forgiveness, I pray for them to know the peace that comes with letting go of that anger. You are the Mighty God, the One capable of so much more than we could ever imagine, and we want to spend our whole lives praising You for what You've done. Thank you so, so very much.
In the name of the only One who is mighty to save,
Amen.
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